


Sorry Folks; It Just Popped Out!

by HPFandom_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Humor, Other, Out of Character, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-11-05
Updated: 2009-11-05
Packaged: 2018-10-01 01:21:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10177355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HPFandom_archivist/pseuds/HPFandom_archivist
Summary: by SisterGryffin_SisterSlytherinLucius finds himself madly in love - or is he? - with Bellatrix, who is displaying her typical homicidal tendencies.Please note:  These are not my charachters, they are the property of J. K. Rowling.  The storyline belongs to the movie Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, as do the words for the song.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from SeparatriX, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [HP Fandom](http://fanlore.org/wiki/HP_Fandom_\(archive\)), which was closed for health and financial reasons. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in August 2016. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [HP Fandom collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/hpfandom/profile).

Bellatrix Lestrange, dressed in robes of black tight-fitting leather trimmed with fur and gold, burst into the room. Her hair was piled atop her head, curls framing her pale face, and atop the hair was a crown of black, shining gold and fur, studded with diamonds and rubies. On her hands were several rings, none of which held a stone any smaller than four carats in size, of rubies and diamonds. She looked about the room, smiling gleefully. The room was a castle bedroom with a huge four poster bed and marble floors, all the trappings of ultimate royalty. "Oh yes...!" she said in purest delight, turning to close the door behind her. "Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me, happy birthday, dear Bella...!" she sang, then froze, her smile fading from her face as her eyes lit upon the other person in the room. "Oh...!"

Standing next to the stained glass window was Lucius; he turned when he heard her, looking at her coquettishly over his shoulder. He was dressed in a skin-tight corset of black lace with a white corset that rested about and accented his slim waist. Corset straps led the eye down to his long legs, holding the tops of the black mesh stockings he wore with diamond studs all down the back of them in a pinstripe. His shoes were slip-ons with five inch heels. A necklace of ridiculously large diamonds was about his neck and several dainty rings adorned his fingers as well. His hair, long enough to brush his buttocks, was in two braids on either side of his face. He wore a tiara of diamonds and rubies, more heavily crusted with precious stones than Bella's own crown, rich red lipstick and soft blush on his cheeks. "Happy Birthday, Bella." he said in a sultry tone.

"Lucius...! I never expected... look at you!" she strode forward to him, her smile now a bit forced. "Oh my... this really brings back memories..." she said, stroking one of his braids.  
"I wanted to look special for you... it IS your birthday, after all..." he smiled, stroking her cheek. 

Bella drew her wand and gestured; a music box began to play a sprightly little tune. "You're my little choochie face..." she began to sing, taking hold of both of his braids and the dropping the right one, having him spin to the left. "My oochie coochi woochie little coochie face. Every time I look at you I sigh..." Once the braid lay across hs throat and she was behind him, she braced one hand on one of his shoulders and began to pull the braid hard with a wicked grin. The moment he looked about her smile faded and her grip released. 

"You're my little teddy bear." he sang, taking one of the ends of his braids and tickling her neck. She pouted and swatted at him, this wasn't what she had planned for this evening! She took a few steps back. She glanced about then grinned wickedly once more, hurrying over to a suit of armor and gesturing for Lucius to follow. "My lovely lovey dovey little teddy bear..." he sang as he strutted over to her. "...and you're the apple strudel of my eye." As he leaned toward her coquettishly, his head was in exactly the right place! 

Bella nudged the suit of armor and its arm fell, the axe speeding toward Lucius' head, but he straightened out of the way just in time. He looked at it only a moment before Bella began to sing again. "Your choochie woochie nose, your choochie woochie eyes, set my heart to flutter." 

Lucius hopped gracefully over the fallen battleaxe and continued the song with "Your oochie coochie ways, your oochie coochie gaze;" the two joined arms and pranced about the room, halting next to the large table. Lucius hopped up on the edge and laid back dramatically, raising up one leg and stroking it as he finished the line. "Wilts me down like melting butter." Bella glanced up at the chandelier over the table, her wicked grin returning. Lucius lowered his leg and rolled off the surface a split moment before one of the eight inch lead crystal pieces with a point like a dagger slammed into the table just where his chest had been. the point of the thing had penetrated a full three inches into the hard oak. Lucius stared at it, horrified, half crouched beside the table; it was right at his eye level. Was she trying to kill him?

Bella shook off her obvious disappointment. "You're my little choochie face..." Bella said, slipping her arms about him and drawing him to his feet. 

His eyes lingered on the dagger for a long moment, a fear clear upon the refined features of his face. "... and you're my teddy bear..." he sang back in a weak and unsure tone. 

Bella turned him so he was facing her and she continued the song. Lucius began to sing along, eyes turning to Bella's face in an expression of rapt adoration. "Together we're an oochie coochie woochie coochie pair." Joining hands, the two began a dance about the room, a skipping and playful dance that took them about the room and next to the bed.

Bella pulled a robe of black silk trimmed with fur and gems and held it out for him. "Whatever you may ask, becomes my happy task; I only live to serve you." she said with a return of that wicked, calculating smile.

"I never will devine, what magic made you mine..." he answered, slipping into the cloak, wrapping it around his body. "I only know I don't deserve you."

Bellatrix had slipped up the stepped dias of the bed and took hold of a cord and pulled hard, watching as Lucius vanished through a trap door in the floor instantly with a startled gasp. Instantly Bella began to laugh wildly, her joy clear as she went over to the pit to gaze down into its black depths, still laughing. When she gained her breath, she smiled wickedly and sang down into the darkness. "You're my little choochie face!"

"And you're my teddy bear!" Lucius' voice answered from the doorway, which he had just flung the double doors wide. 

Bellatrix whirled, startled, eyes wide. How had he escaped?! She hid her shock and smiled sweetly, holding her hand out to him. He moved to her and took her hand and the two danced into the center of the room. "And together we're an oochie coochie, choochie woochie pair!" They ended up close to each other, and Lucius moved in for the kiss those red lips so stark against that pale skin.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Lucius' eyes snapped open, his heart racing, every muscle tensed up. He glanced to the side to see another head on his pillow, which only increased his tension. He immediately reached up to touch his own hair and was greatly relieved to find no braids. Well, that was a good thing... 

He licked his lips nervously and reached for the blankets, peering at the face there under the covers. The face was the same slim, heart shaped face, but the blonde hair gave him no end of joy and relief. It wasn't Bella, it was Narcissa lying in bed beside him. He collapsed back on the bed with a great sigh of relief.

"Merlin...!" he moaned, hand to his head. "I have GOT to stop watching those ridiculously senseless muggle movies with Draco!" 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

AUTHOR'S NOTE: 

I have never written a songfic before; this is my first attempt so forgive me if its done wrong or just plain weird. The song that I chose is from the movie Chitty-Chitty Bang-Bang and it is the most ridiculous love song that I have ever heard. In the movie all this saccharine sweetness is entwined with frequent attempts at homicide . If you haven't seen it, this will tell all about that portion of the movie. You should see it, though, to get the tune for the words, which are almost word-for-word from the movie.

How did I come up with the idea? My neice was asking for a pet name for Tom Riddle. For some weird reason this song popped into my head and immediately I knew I needed to write this down before I lost it.

Although SisterSlytherin was partially responsible for me writing this (she suggested Bellatrix instead of Voldemort), this one was mostly my own twisted silliness. Hope you enjoy it.

SisterGryffin.


End file.
